meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
