You don't have asthma, your pregnant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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