Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
