i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
