They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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