She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
