Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
