But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
