OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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