Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize