I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
