Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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