Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
