After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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