I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize