Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
