I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
