Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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