You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
