Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just shotgunned beers for America
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
