My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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