the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
