Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
