So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
