I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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