What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
