In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
