i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
