6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
