I wish i was in the wii world.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
