he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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