My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
