just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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