Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
