he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
