She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize