you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
