yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize