dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
