if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
