you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
