Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
