I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize