if i can run in heels then i can drive
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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