Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
