I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
