but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
