he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
