Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize