1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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