true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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