the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can't special order awesome
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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