Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
