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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
