You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
