im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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