We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
