Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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