Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is the high leading the old right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
