Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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