yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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