I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
