Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
honey bunches of taint.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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